By Moreblessing Phiri
DIGGING up someone past in a relationship is applying a recipe for disaster. In our days, it has become a fashionable thing that one must know his or her ex previous relationships.
This does not bring one at ease instead it builds anger upon an individual causing one to hate his/ her significant other. To add, on digging someone’s past is immoral especially for women and it shows that one does not trust her significant other.
People who love each other will always find a way talk about their past and one does not have to insist if someone is not ready to share.
Social media has enabled couples to suspect their significant others because it allows people to be on their phones 24/7. Rudolph and Lee, who are psychiatrists, say people sometimes obsessively dig for gory details about their partner’s exes because they are jealous or insecure and want to see how they stack up against them.
Other unhealthy agendas stem from wanting to come clean about their own past, or, for the partners delivering the information, hoping stories about prior conquests show how desirable they are.
Nompilo Dube is a young woman that has been lied too, bitten up in most of her previous relationships and cheated on too. She says that she has to ensure that a background check is done for all her boyfriend because she doesn’t want to suffer the same fate and she hates the thought of being a step mother of someone else kids”.
Although some people might argue that by digging up the past one is protecting himself/herself from the unknown, it must be mentioned that it is important to let slipping dogs lie.
Digging up the past can bring out the worse in a person. Instead of digging up the past one must focus on the future because everyone has a past.
Couples that dig in each other`s past are mostly those that have been disappointed or have been cheated on in their past relationship and they fear that the same fate might happen again.
Fearing that they will be hurt again, they do not love their significant other whole heartedly hence the “Ungangeni nge-heart” term emerged which means don’t put all of your eggs in one basket.
Nothando Mlilo is a young woman who has had difficulties finding love. She says that she cannot keep men in her life because she has had bad experiences in the past.
“I have trust issues and one of my exes told me to give him space because I would call him after an hour every time. I would also go through his phone”.
They say that what does not kill you makes you stronger and relationships are a learning phase and people grow up to become better individual along the process.
Whether you messed up in your last relationship, or got cheated on, these feelings do not need to carry over onto a clean slate. If your significant other continually brings up your past, while you are trying to be a supreme person, all you need to do is use the opportunity for reassurance.
The old age saying is “trust takes time to build up but seconds to go away”. Build trust, do not give him/her anything to worry about and overtime, he will grow to trust you regardless of your past. If your significant other grows to know this, he/she will surely stop bringing up past defaults regardless of their stature. □